I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
