I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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