my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
