My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
