i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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