mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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