call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
