You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
