Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
