2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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