im six kinds of drunk right now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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