and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
