Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
