is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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