Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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