Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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