I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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