Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
