I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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