wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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