I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You're like the curious george of whores
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
