a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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