I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
