Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
