i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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