are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
