I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
