Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
