PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
