I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
