College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
In America we eat man semen.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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