we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
