ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
