mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
