So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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