so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
