ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
