I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
