Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
