We won't sleep together?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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