im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
