What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
