turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
