it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
