Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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