Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
