my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
