just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
