My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
