Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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