You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
