Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
