The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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