i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
