end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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