ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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