his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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