just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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