I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
