Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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