I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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