She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
