when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
