I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
