woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
