do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
