Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
