i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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