Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
