can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
