Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
