I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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