So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
