rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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