Me. At least after what I've been through.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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