i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
