How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
